Ranting out of senses.....

(I just head off to this blog anytime I feel that I need to speak off about some emotion...... And well though its pretty often that I need to, not many posts get written for the simple reason that most get deleted soon after formation.... Some make it to this world...... Most don't. And this time I have taken it very stubbornly in my mind that I am going to rant off about this peculiar feeling called jealousy....)


BETWEEN THEM
Part 1

(In her own words....... Shriya speaks....)

It seemed years ago. When was the last time I saw her?.... maybe a decade..... and yet even now she looked the same..... her small petite figure, well maintained tresses, pale complexion, firm features..oh! I could go on... She was a beauty..... And what was the most pleasing thing about her was that she was totally unaware of her self... and so totally complete a woman..... I smiled.... And made my way towards her.... I had to simply talk to her.... My classmate a decade ago.... and I almost knew nothing about her all along.... But every time I had respected her and had this decent opinion about her..... Rithika..... It was a big party, and there were so many people around... I almost had to elbow my way through... and when I finally reached I was looking completely disheveled..... and yet I guess she could recognize my smile..... She smiled back.... and looked stunningly pretty....
"Hey, isn't it Shriya..!!... How are you??" she squealed..... I was pleasantly surprised at this excited welcome..... and was pleased......
We quickly caught up on each other's lives...career, family, home ...... and I was surprised she wasn't hitched yet.... I had always been this me-am-career-girl type while to me she always seemed to be more..... family-ish ???

A movement behind us...... I turned..... And stood shell-shocked.. It was like one of those huge rock boulders off the coast of nowhere had come and hit me shell straight in my stomach..... right on target..... Guess things were flying around in my eyes..... I felt that sick anyway....... and all the while stared into his eyes...... It was him!...
Finally!
Rithika was saying something....... Nothing registered......
"How are you?....Long time no see..." It was him.... his voice...... deep, silent, and kind of.... manly?
That brought me back to my senses..... He was actually talking to me!.... After all these years!! I smiled... and immediately regretted it.... I was sure I looked silly or stupid or flirting or... plain-right plain.... And my smile was supposed to be the best feature of mine...... I muttered a fine, thank you..... And immediately asked him something.... and he replied.... and I stood feeling stupid.
All three of us were silent.... it seemed to me that it was roughly for the stretch of time by which I could have safely driven back home and got into bed, all shivering, had I started right then...... but as usual....... like every time I see him.... my feet stood rooted and sealed and nailed and....
Cut It Out!!! I commanded myself.......
Returning to sanity.......
He was looking at me in a very strange sort of way.... amused?? Rithika was watching the two of us.......
"What you doing here alone?", it was him....... Strangely that question thrilled me..... or was I looking too deep into normal...

I stopped..... He had casually draped his hand over Rithi's shoulder.....
Every single butterfly.... or maybe a moth?.... that flew around me, my head, in my eye... stopped and fell lifeless.....
The adrenalin that had hurriedly made its way right through to my head and was bringing up beautiful old memories soured......
I stood straighter... head up.... looked at him...... in the eyes?? (a miracle... considering that never ever before had I ever had the nerve to look him straight in his eyes..... Oh !... the power of envy!!!)
"Well... was invited... so came.... Me am not alone.... I have a partner.... ",I was flaming in the cheeks now.... partly red due to my quick-on-the-feet lie and partly green due to.......
"Oh ... where is he?....", he looked around... And with his height of some 6-feet-2... I was sure he could look over most people there......
"Somewhere.. I got to be going now.... See you people around sometime....",I looked at her... and avoided him....
"So soon?.... Well.... fine... but can you give me your number....?..."Rithika fumbled around in her purse for a piece of paper..... (I could have stored in my mobile instead.... that all beauty no brains woman!!)...... I rattled off a number.... and wasn't even sure it was mine..... I was still angered by the fact that he wasn't interested in taking it......
I somehow managed to walk out..... as fast as I could.... before the tears could appear..... It took me sometime to start my car..... and with shaking fingers and brimming eyes.... I made my way out of the lot....

Krish!.... My!.... My first love!.... Who am I kidding..... My first, last and hence, only love!...... I could remember him from school..... The same silent yet well modulated voice, the glint in those eyes.... his mostly neatly combed hair..... though I loved it when it got messed.... his "I think I know what's going on in your mind" look..... and his smile......

His smile..... something that I had once sworn that I could die for......
His total persona..... yes.... sometimes I felt it was all a mask... that somewhere deep within was a complete new person who was wild and free and laughing loud and .......

On the whole.... Krish.......

A one-sided attraction....

And all along..... in school I had never spoken to him once....
It was simple ..... I was scared.....
So all that I had to be content with were glances and whispers with friends.... most of whom were convinced I was slightly....... no,completely mad.......... and talking about him whenever I got a chance... to whoever I could....

And one day it all changed....

I never saw him after we left school.......

Till today.........

It was ironical...... completely......

There had been hundreds of times when I had been walking down a street after a particularly busy day and I would just stop right in the middle and stare at someone there...... sure that I had seen him.........

All those days I was rewarded with nothing other than equally bewildered glances from others.. and I could make my way back.... feeling silly and nodding away at my stupidness......

And now.... I had to meet him here?.... today?.... with her???

I glanced at myself in the rear view....... and groaned....

I looked awful, to say the least.....

Hair that had taken a completely awkward style.... I remembered that it was today morning that I did not want to waste time washing it for the party...... after all it was supposed to be yet another get together.......
My eyes looked bleary and i had dark circles..... And a dowdy blue saree that did more damage to the big picture than add to enhancement.....
All in all.... I looked the peasant and she.... a princess......
It was obvious who he would choose..... who anyone would choose......

I started crying...... big time.... and for now all I could see around me was green....

And now for the other half...

Krish and Rithika stared at Shriya's back as she made a hurried exit.....
"You sure she is fine?...... She seems completely shocked!?", Rithika held concern in her voice....
Krish smiled..... "It's true. I mean she likes me...... And well.... ", he stopped.....
Rithi smiled....."Is it true Krish?.... Is she the girl you mentioned?.... The one you like?", and on seeing him give a smile and a heavy nod... she continued, "Great.... Nice girl...Always liked her, even in school....You going to tell her sometime before you guys age?"
Krish laughed.... "I will.... very soon.... you see, I waited all along in doubt ... whether she did ever like me.... and today...... I know......."

He smiled......... and the two friends walked hand in hand, talking about the girl in blue.....